The fact that Bianca Stella Burayag [I asked Isabel. HAHA] Bueno is so effin` good in speakin' the friggin` English language just makes me wanna shut down this so-called foresaken blog for the nth time.

I so effin` envy you right now.

All the while I thought that only ERF's were due tomorrow. Whoops, my bad. Syempre imposibleng isang requirement lang para bukas, STC pa. I went online only to find out that, of course, there are a lot [and I mean, a lot] of things to do for tomorrow and here I've been, dilly-dallying all afternoon.

Oh joy.

I feel like I've let go of it all, y'know?. I mean, it's like I'm so fed up of trying that even with school and my studies, I've stopped. I don't know why I can't motivate myself to work harder, or try again or to just even make an effort. I have no idea why it doesn't bother me anymore if I submit late or do mediocre homeworks. I don't know why the hell I've stopped caring.

And I hate this feeling of not trying hard enough. I hate the fact that I can't find it in me to work a little harder and be that version of me I once was. I mean, I used to stay up late everyday just to finish e v e r y friggin` homework. I used to study for e v e r y friggin` quiz and I used to embrace sleeping at 3AM because for me it meant that I actually did the job rather than convince myself that so long as I'd done something, that was enough.

I used to be good at this.

Then why did it all just stop?

I need to feel something, anything. I need to feel like I still have hope. I need to find something that'll make me function again. Because failure isn't working for me, and being this mediocre student isn't doin` me any good either. I don't wanna be this version of me. I wanna wake up and see that I can do better. Because I used to be better, better than this.